2019 Review + 2020 Goals

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Have you ever allowed yourself to be held back from maximizing your potential or achieving your dreams because of fear, past shame, sin, or regret? I was that person for a long time, and because I am human, I still have to fight the battle every once in a while. But after experiencing some radically life changing events, that were beautifully designed by God, I began to understand what it really means to be redeemed and saved by grace. Today, I walk in a different light, and on most days, truly can’t believe that this is my real life. So in an effort to give all of the glory to God, I am on a mission to share my story and key insights with the world, in an effort to change lives and inspire others to go all in and live the life that God dreamed for them. With all of that being said, I am excited to take you through an exercise that I have done with one of my soul sisters the last two years. I encourage you to take yourself through the same questions. I think that it is important to take a look back through 2019 before you plan ahead for all of the amazing things that God has in store for 2020… The full set of questions can be found at the end of the post.

2 0 1 9 R E F L E C T I O N 

  1. What was your word/words or intention for 2019 and how can you celebrate what you did to live into/ act on this word/intention? 
    1. SURRENDER… and, this was hard. Actually really hard. As an entrepreneur I am a control freak, and the entirety of 2019 was all about me giving it up to God. And not just in my personal life, but with my business as well. Looking back on my company, it’s hard to believe all that happened. Looking back to January 2019 – I had a full staff, with directors overseeing the various divisions, part timers helping manage the day to day projects, a dream office in the heart of one of Chicago’s hottest neighborhoods, an insane roster of clients, and we were projected to generate half a million dollars in revenue. 12 months later, the biggest change is probably that I am the sole employee, and every other little detail has completely changed. It’s actually still a hard pill to swallow and I feel my ego creeping in as I type this, trying to tell me that I am not enough, or even better that I am a failure because of how everything played out, but to go back to that word, I am trusting every little thing that God has placed in front of me and continuing to surrender.
  2. What is one thing that God taught you or revealed to you this year?
    1. That I have absolutely ZERO control 
  3. How were you proud of yourself this year?
    1. I allowed myself to fall in love… I LOVE love. But my heart was broken on a few different occassions to the point that I didn’t know if it could bounce back. And for a good part of my dating relationship with Jason, which for those who don’t know is my husband, I would self-sabotage. It wasn’t because I didn’t believe in what God was doing with our lives and our magical love story, but I was afraid, so a lot of times I would get in my head and believe the lie that this relationship would probably end at some point, leaving me broken, so why put myself through it again… ladies, if this is you, please do me a favor, do yourself a favor, and stop. Allow yourself to jump in with both feet. Stop trying to protect your heart. Because at the end of the day, even if it does get broken, you can hopefully come to accept that it wasn’t meant to be, but do it knowing that you gave it your all. Love is really freaking hard, but it’s also really freaking worth it. And yes, just to clarify, I opened up this year completely single, and ended up married… I’ll leave that story for another post. 
  4. What was your lowest point this year and how did you learn and grow from it? 
    1. I have 2 that come to mind
      1. Week 15 in the NFL – I had a deep conversation with our church about me and Jason’s living situation as an unmarried couple, a few hours later both Jason, and Rachel my best friend and coworker, went into surgery, shortly after that we parted ways with an MLB client which meant that I could no longer afford to pay Rachel (but also couldn’t tell her because she was in surgery and then recovery), and then a few days later Myles Garrett and Mason Rudolph had an encounter on the football field… It was one of the lowest points for me because I struggled with surrender. I didn’t want to let God control things anymore because what I was experiencing sucked (no other way to put it). Not to mention having to fire your best friend is by far one of the absolute hardest things to handle, and something that I am still recovering from. 
      2. The second is a situation where I let someone else control my emotions and take me on a roller coaster ride of 48 hours worth of an ugly version of myself…I hadn’t been on my spiritual game and wasn’t all that connected to God, and when this person gave me their honest opinion of me, my life, and my relationship, I went down a rabbit hole, that I hope to never cross over again. But the biggest learn was that I need to win each and everyday and focus on filling up my cup with Jesus – because I am never going to live in a perfect world where everyone is nice to me. So I need to be in close relationship with God, and in complete alignment so that I am well-equipped and as prepared as possible to handle this situations…
  5. Looking back on the year, what is one thing you didn’t do because you were afraid to? Go all in on my personal brand. As my story has unfolded over this past year, I have felt more and more compelled by God to step out an share it on a bigger level. Clearly this podcast is a step in the right direction, and I have begun to write my book, but I know that there is more and I need to stop playing small. I also always struggle with perception versus reality. My reality is that I know that I can handle a ton of things, meaning my company, my family, and my own personal brand. But to be honest, I always worry that if people see my focusing on other things they will assume that I am not going all in on my clients. I know… It’s a dumb insecurity, because who cares if people do think that, but hey I am trying to keep it real. 
  6. Looking back on the year, what is one thing you did do (even if you were afraid of doing it)? Get married – for those who don’t know anything about this wildly amazing God story, I got pregnant May 2017. I was living a life that’s still a little hard to look back on – I had been out of the church and away from God for years, slowly trying to make my way back but completely failing, and buying into the 21st century lie that if guys can do it, girls can too – you know, that whole idea that if guys can sleep around without zero repurcussions, shame, or labels, why can’t girls do it to? Well, I bought into this one big time, which was really just a way to suppress my major anxiety and shame every time I woke up next time someone that I knew wasn’t my husband, or at least future husband, and therefore a complete mistake… and in the midst of that lifestyle, here I was about to be 30, at the peak of my career in sports, and pregnant. I thought I knew who the father was, but that person wanted nothing to do with me nor Skylar… just to find out over a year later, and two failed paternity tests, that I actually didn’t know who it was. Mind you, I was also living a very different life at this time, because getting pregnant was the best thing to happen to me, and Skylar literally saved me from me… but here was my past sin coming back to haunt me. Then through a series of events, a little help from 23 and me, and a trip to Miami Jason (my husband) and I found our way back to each other. We had met 3 years prior at NBA All Star weekend and after a year completely lost contact (for a multitude of reasons)… A full year where both of us had our world’s turned upside down and rocked by God on so many levels… and so earlier this year a paternity test confirmed that Jason was in fact Skylar’s dad, we spent a few months focused on just the two of them, then allowed ourselves to focus on us and date, and then as we grew closer to each other and God, it was made very clear what the plan was for us… so on December 2nd, we said I do in the living room of our neighbor, who also happens to be a pastor… and now we begin the real journey of self discovery, together. 

To be honest, it took me a very long time to get to the point where I could type all of that without wanting to throw up… but I truly hope that through my vulnerability you find hope. That you realize that you have to go all in, you have to surrender, and you have to believe. If my life can do anything for you, I truly hope that you see that whether you’re at your peak or your lowest low, you can choose a different outcome. Your past does not dictate your present, and your future is still up to God, with you being the one to live it out. 

Okay, so let’s jump into 2020. I do encourage you though, please make sure you do the self reflection of 2019 before you look ahead. Give yourself credit for how far you’ve come and make note of the things that are still left to do. 

2 0 2 0 *  L O O K I N G F O R W A R D 

  1. What is one thing you want to say no to this year? 
    • Fear
  2. What is one thing you want to say yes to this year? 
    • Sharing my story + going all in on my career 
  3. Do you have a word or intention this year? 
    • Redemption
  4. What in God’s word will inspire you to live into your word/intention?
    • Random bible readings – our pastor suggested we try a new way to read the Bible for 2020, and that’s to read for 10 minutes, dig into it and understand the message, and then ponder off how you can apply that to your life. That’s what I want to do. I want to read and study the word, not to know the stories and recite bible verses, but to apply it to my life and live it out. 
  5. God made us in HIS image and we were made for greatness. How do you intend to be your best self in 2020 in the following areas? 
  6. Spiritual (Relationship with the Lord, Scripture, Church, Community, Worship, Etc.) 
    • Intentional reading and application – nothing matters unless Jesus is at the center, and that even goes for our devotionals and bible studies. We have to dig into Jesus and understand where he wants our heart. I intend to spend more time in that. 
  7. Emotional (How are you staying emotionally healthy and connected)
    • I have a Christian therapist I see every other week who helps me deal with emotions, because let’s be real, they can be a lot. I also know that staying on my spiritual game helps me in this area. 
  8. Mental (How are you growing your mind and your mindset) 
    • For me it’s all about a regular workout regiment, drinking a ton of water, getting a minimum of 7 hours of sleep, and allowing time to just think and dream. 
  9. Relational (Marriage, Motherhood) 
    • Intentionality in both areas. For my marriage this means time growing together – right now we are doing that by reading The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller, which I highly recommend for all married couples and anyone who wants to be married one day. Date night is super important which always looks different, sometimes we get a babysitter and go out, sometimes we read the bible, order take out and watch netflix, or if one of us is traveling it might be via FaceTime – regardless we stay intentional by scheduling it. As a mom I recently forced myself to accept and stop feeling guilty for the fact that I am a working mom – mainly because of the fact that I love my career, and I love to work, which allows me to be the best version of myself which is what our daughter deserves. So in an effort to ensure that Skylar still recives everything she needs and deserves I am being more intentional to sign her up for classes, as well as developing programming thst her nanny can work through each day of the week. This also allows me to then show up after work or on the weekend and simply play, laugh, and read which is truly how she loves to spend her time with us. 
  10. Physical (What will you do to care for your body) 
    • Move my body 20 min a day, drink insane amounts of water which means I have to carry my refillable bottles everywhere, meal prep, continue to be gluten free and dairy free. 
  11. Financial (Budgeting/Planning/Giving) 
    • I recenlty started tithing so I will continue that as well as the other organizations I donate to, I plan to give more money and time to the homeless shelter in our neighborhood that I volunteer at. As far as budgeting and long term financial goals we have hired a Christian financial advisor that is helping us work through everything. 
  12. Passion Projects/Work (What will be different this year) 
    • This podcast, my book will be released, and whole lot more content! I am also going to start teaching Branding 101 at IUPUI in January which I am so excited about and has been a passion project for YEARS. So we will see where that goes. 

2019 Review + 2020 Goals

2 0 1 9 * R E F L E C T I O N 

  1. What was your word/words or intention for 2019 and how can you celebrate what you did to live into/ act on this word/intention? 
  2. What is one thing that God taught you or revealed to you this year?
  3. How were you proud of yourself this year?
  4. What was your lowest point this year and how did you learn and grow from it? 
  5. Looking back on the year, what is one thing you didn’t do because you were afraid to? 
  6. Looking back on the year, what is one thing you did do (even if you were afraid of doing it)? 
  7. Describe your year in a few words or a few sentences. Whatever feels right. 

2 0 2 0 *  L O O K I N G F O R W A R D 

  1. What is one thing you want to say no to this year? 
  2. What is one thing you want to say yes to this year? 
  3. Do you have a word or intention this year? 
  4. What in God’s word will inspire you to live into your word/intention?
  5. God made us in HIS image and we were made for greatness. How do you intend to be your best self in 2020 in the following areas? 
  6. Spiritual (Relationship with the Lord, Scripture, Church, Community, Worship, Etc.) 
  7. Emotional (How are you staying emotionally healthy and connected)
  8. Mental (How are you growing your mind and your mindset) 
  9. Relational (Marriage, Motherhood) 
  10. Physical (What will you do to care for your body) 
  11. Financial (Budgeting/Planning/Giving) 
  12. Passion Projects/Work (What will be different this year) 

LOVE YOU. XO

One thought on “2019 Review + 2020 Goals

  1. What a amazing story or a amazing story of your life. Me and you are a like and I did not realize that in till I read your story. Life is a journey that we can not take alone with God leading the way it helps us get where we need to be and some times some of us need to find him to find our self. I am so happy for you and your new family. God Love you and may he protect you and your family in your new journey in 2020

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